For weeks and weeks, I would listen to my friend list her struggles at work. I would hold her as she sobbed over her perceived failures and inability to excel in her new role. We would rehash her most recent meeting and she would beat herself up over an answer she did not have or a slide that was missed. The way she described her performance at work was a constant beating on her own self esteem. She would spend 1% of every day celebrating her success and 99% of every day treating herself like crap. She would explain her failures to me and ask how she should proceed; what she could do to fix the situation she had gotten herself into. Every day felt to her like she was standing on the edge of a cliff and with one strong wind gust, she would be blown over the edge into a freefall that she could never recover from. The voices in her head said, “You are not good enough, you are not smart enough, you are not capable, you cannot do this.” …. she nearly gave up, nearly convinced herself that those voices were speaking the truth. The truth was that all along those voices in her head were telling bold faced lies.
Category Archives: Personal Well Being
DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING
In June of 2004, I had given birth to my first son just 8 weeks prior. Six weeks after having him I was forced to return to work in a new role as a Regional Manager; we were young broke parents with no additional paid maternity leave left. The first couple of weeks back to work were a complete blur between night feedings, conference calls, nanny drop offs, bottle cleanings; not to mention the pain and discomfort I was still experiencing after an incredibly long and difficult delivery. The world seemed to be running around me as I stood in a dazed state going through the motions with little idea of when it would all start to get better.
FROM HERO TO ZERO
There is a common saying in sales when one has closed out a profitable fiscal year one day and then the very next day a whole new fiscal year starts. The saying is “From hero to zero”. The close of 2022 should make all of us feel like heroes. Whereas 2020 and 2021 had many challenges as we worked from our home offices and attempted to balance work as it blurred into life. 2022 brought its own special challenges where the comforts of home felt more like a prison at times, and we started exploring outside of our cages once again. The economy slowed, inflation spiked, gas prices soared and when it came to business deals “easy come easy go” became more like “hard to come by and easy to lose”.
THE VALUE OF GRATITUDE
In the early morning of January 15, 2004, a heavy snowstorm blew through central New Jersey. Six months pregnant with our first son I laid restless in bed while listening to the howling wind outside of our 3-bedroom ranch home. The baby boy that I was carrying had the hiccups and every minute or so my stomach would pop out with a violent shake.
SEARCHING FROM WITHIN
In a preparation meeting for an upcoming speaking engagement, I was asked this week “When was the moment in your career that you found your voice?” This was a very interesting question to me; the spectacular female leader that I am sharing the virtual stage with had an impactful story of the moment that she found her voice. She had been working for a male dominated CPG company (very similar to Hormel) and had sat in a corner for a meeting that she was supposed to be leading but there were no seats left at the conference table. Her manager at the time told someone else to move and insisted that she take her seat at the table. “You are running this meeting; you do not sit in the corner.” Is something I imagine this manager said to her. She described this moment as when she “found her voice”.
SHAKE IT OFF
Some of my good friends would tell you that I am very good at giving advice; helpful, actionable advice. However, they would also tell you that when it comes to ME following my own advice, well that is something I need to work on. I am really good at telling others how to address their stressors and resolve their challenges but when it comes to addressing my own, I am often deaf to my own words.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about burnout. The impending feeling of burnout coming on and how most people show the signs and react to burnout. At the same time as I was writing, I was also feeling the impending signs of burnout and for once in my life, I listened to my own inner voice. I took a break from writing this blog, I gave myself the grace that I tell everyone else to give to themselves. For the first time in 30 some weeks, I just stopped. I released myself of the burdensome feeling that I needed to post something every week, that I had some kind of responsibility to anyone else but me for this “passion project” that truly was designed to be nothing but a creative outlet for my personal passion of helping others. For once, I took my own advice.
BURNOUT
I have mentored and consulted with a few different professionals lately that are just burnt out. They are holding themselves and sometimes their colleagues to a standard that is simply unreasonable and honestly unattainable from my perspective. What I can see (but they cannot) is that this unattainable standard is feeding an inevitable burnout.
NEW TO THE MIDDLE
As a recent resident of the middle, I’ve found it harder than I expected to find my place. I’ve learned a few things along the way, but I am by no means an expert. If you’re new to the middle too, it’s sticky. We’re all a little bit stressed, we’re all a little unsure, but it’s one of the best opportunities I’ve had to really discover myself.
I’ve been with my current company for over 12 years. It was my first home after college, and it feels like home most days. I pride myself on having a deep knowledge of the company and many allies across the business. I count some of them as mentors and friends. I was a highly skilled individual performer, and I thrived in that role.
A DIFFERENT MUSCLE
I was reminded nearly every day this past week that “Management is a different Muscle”; and it is not a muscle that is strong in everyone. It is a muscle that you have to develop and continue to work before it ever becomes toned. Managing people and personalities requires very different skills versus a non-management role. Patience and perseverance come to mind as skills I have repeatedly used recently.
HOW FULL IS YOUR BUCKET?
This past week I had the pleasure of presenting to a group of employees and leaders of Givaudan. I presented on ways that employees and leaders can make a positive impact in their own lives and the lives of their employees and colleagues. We went through many of the key pillars that have been highlighted in this blog including ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARY RECOVERY (I put all of us on Boundary Recovery in this gathering), TEACHING PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU and THE VALUE OF GRATITUDE. A new addition to the discussion was a guide to feeling fulfilled. Note I did not say achieving fulfillment; feeling fulfilled is all you need to be content and happy in the place that you are in.
The Heart of the Middle 