“There will be moments in life when showing up for yourself will mean leaving behind the people who don’t.” Alex Elle
Brene Brown said “Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” I understand where she was coming from with this quote, I can easily relate to it within my career and life. There are many opportunities I would have never been able to take advantage of if I had not “shown up”. That could be just showing up to a meeting where I met someone that taught me something, or signing up for a program that would allow me to find some of my greatest passions I never knew I had.
Then there is a quote by Tina Fey, “Say Yes, and you’ll figure it out afterwards.” I say “yes” a lot, I “show up” a lot. I will divide my time into a thousand different pieces to help achieve everyone else’s hopes, dreams and expectations. However, in the last week, I am struggling. My time is no longer mine, I am overlapping calls, replying to emails during meetings, catching up on Sunday’s. Missing out on afternoon conversations with my teenage sons in exchange for conference calls and volunteer mentoring sessions. Then this past Friday, I was asked to pile on yet another volunteer commitment to my current job description. I headed out for a run Saturday morning to ponder what saying “no” would look like.
Ten years ago, both of my boys were in elementary school. I was working full time as I always have and traveling more than I would have liked. The requests from PTO to volunteer my time in school would come nearly every week. They needed parents to make copies for teachers, laminate projects, set up book fairs, run birthday party sign ups, help with bulletin boards, and work in the library. You name it, they requested it. One day I agreed to help make copies for teachers. I stood in a small copy room next to the hallway used for children to move from one class to the other. As I endlessly counted copies and got slightly high from inhaling ink fumes, I would peek out the small rectangular window to try and get a sighting of one of my boys. Just to see them walking down the hallway with their class would make me giddy with joy. I would spend a couple of hours making copies for teachers and my boys would never actually see me in the school. I would leave unfulfilled and sad instead of productive and happy.
I realized after a couple of those closed-door sessions that I found fulfillment in the school when I could see my boys and more importantly, they could see me. I committed that I would always volunteer and help where I could, but it had to be doing something that would include interacting with my boys. So for years, I volunteered in the library during the time their class would visit, I worked the book fair when I knew they would be stopping by, I worked EVERY field day, I was even class mom two years in a row (that was a lot). I said “no” to the requests that would not fulfill me.
As I pounded out the miles of pavement this past weekend, I recalled the line I had drawn for those many volunteer requests when my kids were young. It occurred to me that I should define similar requirements for my future volunteer career commitments as well. I should define and commit to what will fulfill me.
I am in the process of defining what those requirements will look like. I have not decided if I will actually say “no” to the request that came across on Friday, but I do know, I have proven from past experience that I have the ability to choose what will suit me best and provide once again that feeling of fulfillment and joy. You have that ability as well, choose what will fulfill you.
The Heart of the Middle 