BE SCARED AND DO IT ANYWAY

-GUEST POST BY A FRIEND THAT IS FACING HER FEAR-

“Be scared and do it anyway. Be under-qualified and get in the room anyway. Be messy, imperfect, and unsure and show up anyway. Comfort is the enemy of growth. Get uncomfortable.” ~ Suneera Madhani, Founder of @Stax by Fattmerchant

I’ve always been a silent warrior, because otherwise I felt exposed. I’d rather show a courageous and admirable front rather than openly express my inner truth. Perhaps a mechanism for protection, but maybe more a shell for safety.  The countless therapeutic walks with my girlfriends speaking openly about my struggles in my new leadership role encouraged me to tune in more to understanding what, how and why.    

Now 20 years into my career, I’ve successfully been labeled the GOAT of every team I’ve been on.  For those unaware, GOAT stands for “greatest of all time”. It felt good and I felt great.  I was always called upon to share insights, mentor others and create solutions to unsolved problems, across multiple independent contributor roles. Leaders turned to me as the reliable source they always could count on. My annual ratings and bonuses rewarded me considerably for my accomplishments. I was unstoppable. With this consistent growth, it only felt right to capitalize on my success by considering my next move.

The decision for a promotion took a lot of self-reflection, weighing the pros and cons, to ensure I was mentally ready. The greatest doubts I had were based on a new job taking control of me, whereby I’d invariably lose any semblance of work/life balance. Conversely, the value of empowering others was such a compelling driver, overpowering my doubts. The decision was made! Now eleven months into my new role, the experiences I thought I had anticipated and outlined so clearly in my mind, were flipped upside down. I underestimated what I signed up for. Suddenly the desire to empower others was swallowed up in my ability to stay afloat mentally given the constant anguish I felt working outside of my comfort zone. For countless years, I was the one in control, now others were controlling me. My nine to five schedule, changed to seven AM to six PM, the hours in the day were taken up by stacked meetings and now everyone’s challenges became mine. I couldn’t stop asking myself “What just happened?”

My job started to spiral out of control and with that came mental exhaustion.  I started questioning every move, doubting my ability to be that GOAT I was accustomed to. I became frustrated, restless and doubtful of my capabilities. My days felt like there was never an end, continually a blur from the start to finish, as I was unable to literally shut down each night. In the middle of the night, I would wake up with mini panic attacks, trying to quiet my mind for fear of the unknown and need to solve for the uncontrollable. Speaking openly about my struggles became the place I felt comfort and helped me reflect more openly about my situation. I kept asking myself, what was getting in the way? The best way of describing it came down to FEAR. Fear that I no longer could predict every outcome; fear that I would underachieve; fear that others were better than me; fear that I would let my leader down and finally fear that I wasn’t capable of leading.

So how could I lead others with all this self-doubt? I knew I had an issue but didn’t know how to go about solving for it. So where am I today? I am OPEN to my feelings. I am recognizing my challenges and I am finding ways to work through them.

Some immediate changes I am working on:

1. Believing in myself
2. Asking myself “what’s the worst thing that can happen”
3. Changing my narrative where I can get comfortable with being uncomfortable

I know this isn’t an overnight sensation, but the openness to change is exactly what I recognize will get me closer to a place of calm and control. I want to become that GOAT again, but not for others, for myself. I’m painfully realizing that my happiness is what’s most important. It’s not about how others are measuring me, but rather how I am measuring myself. Success comes from within, and gratification can be achieved based on that. It’s a healing journey and one I remain committed to. I will fight, I will learn, and I will prevail. I earned this new chapter in life to get away from always being comfortable, life’s challenges are what promote psychological growth.

I encourage anyone also experiencing these same feelings of self-doubt and discouragement to consider your self-worth as the primary driver for success and try getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Success will be achieved!

-ANONYMOUS