“Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing.” – Unkown
The hallway of Saint Paul Academy was cold, the carpeted floor was dirty from a day of 5th and 6th grader foot traffic. It was 1986, I sat outside of my 5th grade classroom waiting for my parents to wrap up their parent teacher conference with Mr. Brown and Mrs. Frost. The team teachers had a combined classroom of 5th and 6th graders.
This was my second attempt at 5th grade. Having moved in the middle of the school year the previous year from Sioux Falls, SD to St. Paul, MN; I had missed out on some much-needed consistency in education. When my parents transferred me to a private school the following year, the administration reported that I had tested well below grade level and would need to do 5th grade all over again.
I sat quietly on the floor in the hallway trying to overhear what was being said. It was very clear that I was never going to be a straight “A” student and at this point, even though this was my second try at 5th grade, I was not having an easy time. As I leaned in to hear what Mrs. Frost had to report, she stated very matter-of-factly and quite loudly to my parents; “Melanie is a very nice young lady; however, you should never really expect much out of her in life, she is struggling, and you should not set your expectations too high for her.”
I do not recall what my parents said in reply to that statement, knowing my mom, she probably said something like “You are wrong.”; but overcome by sadness, the tears started flowing and I emmerced my head in between my folded legs as I held everything close to my chest and rolled myself into a very small sobbing ball on the floor.
As the years went on and I continued to struggle in school and life, it eventually occurred to me that Mrs. Frost truly had it all wrong. Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. I found as I grew that the struggle was all I ever knew, absolutely nothing ever came easy to me. My ability to struggle became my strength.
Eventually I graduated and went to college and started my career. I am more successful today than Mrs. Frost could have ever imagined for me. I remind myself on days when the struggle feels heavy and difficult that MY STRENGTH IS IN THE STRUGGLE!
In our work life, we often equate struggling with failure. We need to find a way to give ourselves (and our employees) the grace of the struggle that will eventually lead to our success. Anything that comes easy is rarely ever a notable achievement. It is those goals and objectives that require determination, perseverance and STRUGGLE that are the ones we will be forever proud of.
Managing in the Middle:
- Allow your employees to struggle.
- Reassure them when they are struggling that it DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE FAILING.
- Reward employees for a hard-fought win, write a personal note, copy them on an email to your bosses’ boss explaining their struggle and the win they achieved through it all.
- Recognize with your team that an “Easy WIN” is a win, but a “HARD WIN” demonstrates strength, determination and perseverance.
The Heart of the Middle 