MOMS AND MATERNITY
“You can be a good mom and a working mom. You are allowed to be both.” Unknown
Four weeks before my first son was born in 2004, I was promoted to a Regional Managers position. I began reporting to a man that had little patience for the idea that I was going to have my first child in a few weeks. The “understanding” was that I would report back to the office just 6 weeks after I had my first child. There was limited coverage for my absence and the company only paid for 6 weeks away. We were cash poor as it was, taking more time off without full pay would have been even more stressful.
Five weeks after having Dylan, I was sitting in a Target dressing room with my infant asleep in his bucket on the floor. I was balling from physical pain, total exhaustion and full-on post-partum depression. I tried on Mossimo brand maternity clothes to try to find things that would actually fit me to wear into the office. There was no work at home arrangement and no time to process the helplessness I felt through every bone in my body.
On my first day back to the office, I left my crying 6-week-old home with a nanny and my husband. I cried all the way to the office and made two full trips from the car to my corner office as a result of not physically being able to carry anything too heavy due to complications from labor. The men gave me looks as I lugged my small suitcase size breast pump around the cubicles and into my office. No one offered to assist and there were no areas available to pump other than my own office.
A couple hours into my day, my breasts swelled with pain. I told my assistant I was going to pump and closed my office door. Ten minutes later when everything was set up and ready to go, I started the most challenging part of trying to relax my mind enough so that the milk would release. No one tells new moms-to-be that not only do you have to attach these painful vacuums to your raw nipples, you have to RELAX while they attempt to suck the life out of you. If you cannot relax, nothing comes out and I mean nothing! It is a horrible trick of Mother Nature where your body is screaming for relief and yet your brain has to disengage with it all and go into a mental meditation mode.
As I attempted to enter my mental meditation mode, my office phone rang. I deferred the call to my assistant. Through the door I could hear her talking to my manager based in Austin, MN trying to explain that I was unable to speak to him right now without specifically telling him why. He did not give up easily and it took her a few good minutes to get him off the line. I in the meantime had made no progress at all with empty bottles to prove it.
About five minutes later the phone rang again, and once again my manager was calling. My assistant continued to try and defer his questioning. At that point I had little to show for my efforts. I messaged my assistant to put his call on hold. I picked up his call with the machine still attempting to milk me. The questioning quickly began on what could be so important on my first day back to work that I could not take my managers call? The next question was “What is that sound?” I quietly sat listening to the pulsing sound before I replied, “That is my breast pump machine.” In his shock he asked that I give him a call back when I was done.
That day on my way home from work, I was at Target again, but this time it was to buy formula. I gave up nursing my 6 week old son the next day.
Months after having Dylan, I battled full on postpartum depression. I blame my rapid return to work and the physical and mental stress of it all for the deep depression that followed. I was incredibly lucky to have a strong support system that helped me find my way through that dark never ending tunnel. I also learned first-hand how moms returning to work should be treated.
There should be a special place in heaven for woman who decide to have babies and return to work soon after, or more importantly must return to work. The mental and physical requirements for doing both successfully is far beyond anything a man will ever understand. At the same time, a new mother that returns to a work environment which is supportive and engages with her in life’s challenges results in an incredibly loyal and productive employee.
Many years later, I had the opportunity to plan for an employee’s maternity leave and more importantly, her return to work. I divided out her responsibilities while she was away and handled the more challenging accounts personally during her absence. She took the time she needed to both physically and mentally recover. On her scheduled first day back to work, I flew to her home and sat with her at the kitchen island. I held her beautiful baby girl as we sorted through what had happened with her accounts while she was away. I watched the baby when she needed to pump and ordered fresh salads in for us to eat lunch together on the couch while the baby slept.
We agreed on a slow integration back into the working world. She took on 50% of her customer base for the first 6 weeks back. I handled the rest until she was ready to take them back on. That night, her husband stayed home with the baby and I took her out for a fancy dinner to celebrate her return. I do not know how things would have gone for her if I had just called instead of visited and dumped all the accounts and emails into her lap at once. I do know that as a result of my efforts, her re-entry into work was a success not only for the company but for her mental and physical well-being too. She remained a devoted and productive employee for years to come.
Managing in the Middle:
- Work with your employees to plan out their maternity (or paternity) leave and the responsibilities that will need to be covered while they are out.
- If you are able and the employee is comfortable, show up to support the full person with their reintegration. Sending gift cards to local restaurants or a membership to a meal delivery service can provide the same kind of support and care.
- Work through a moderated approach back into the role. Slowly integrate the workload over a period of time. Allow for a work from home arrangement as needed and put together a calendar that both parties can agree to for workload and hours of working.
- Check in on them! The mental struggle of caring for a new baby while also working in a full-time career should never be underestimated. Every day will come with a range of emotions. Be available and flexible to those emotions, be a good listener.
WHAT ARE ADDITIONAL STRATEGIES WE CAN USE TO MEET WORKING MOMS IN THE MIDDLE?
** Personal stories shared with permission**
The Heart of the Middle 